So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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