i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize