oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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