Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
