I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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