FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Randomize
