i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
