Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
