I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
