one might say we're banned from that church
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
