we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
