Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
