Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
