she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
