I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
