I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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