Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
