Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She's the barista slut.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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