So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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