Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
