So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
