remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
