Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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