Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
