Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
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