There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
