Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
