I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
