Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
