Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
