the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
