Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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