I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
