i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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