I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
