I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
