Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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