Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize