I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize