he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize