You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
