probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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