How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
