4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
