Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
