and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
