If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
