My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
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