dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
