I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
