why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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