Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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