I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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