I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
did i walk over a car last night?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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