Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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