my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
