I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
