hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
