We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
