I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
This baby is an asshole
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
