I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Jerry, you need to find god
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
