I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
