sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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