Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
