Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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