If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
