are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
