Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
