He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
