he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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