You're so nebulous sometimes
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
you will always have a special place in my vag
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Randomize
