Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
