why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
