if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
