I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
